I did it again.
I didnt meant to hurt you.
I wanted to change myself, a better one for you to see.
But every time you, i mean i just cant control it.
I hope you understand at least how i feel.
I have a lot of things to do too.
Most of the things i do you dont appreciate it or dont feel it.
Its really hard and difficult for me.
To be feeling bad and sad, you know the feeling?
Its like i dont want it to be like this, but things just turn out this way
and i cant help it. Turn out for me to be angry, sad and feel bad for myself.
It really doesnt feel good.
I dont really dare to tell you how i feel cause i somehow knows the result.
I'm really really sorry for what i did.

I really hate what a life i have now.

I hate my attitude, i hate my characteristic, i hate whats going on in my life, i hate that my parents are caring but not understanding, i hate myself, i hate my life, i hate that i dont have the courage, i hate that i'm a useless coward.

First Fight of My Life

Today is a day where i must blog down how i feel and experience. Its really a first time for me. Went for training as usual in the morning. Warm up, skipping rope, shadow boxing. After shadow boxing he asked us to wear head guard, shin guard, body guard and gloves and there goes in my mind hoseh liao. He told us today gonna do sparring and i was like wtf? It was only my 7th lesson today and i need to spar with people better and train longer then me. No choice, since i chose this path and i need to be prepare for this. As first thought spar with a guy looks not so strong first but i ended up fighting with the guy who came for 1 months+ already and when i was told to fight him, what was in my mind is only siao liao. Yea and i ended up getting bashed and hit in the face only as he was damn fierce just chiong in only afterall this is my first fight i'm not sure on what to do. Then instructor asked us to stop as my contact lens dropped off and asked me to take them out. Then he spar with another guy.

Of course i was not feel good in my heart and mind and the punches that hit me really did made me feel like how to say uh erm, maybe asked me face to face if you wanna know haha. Next fight with another guy bigger size then me, he is a property agent quite a nice guy, in fact a very friendly and nice guy haha. The fight was okay as we are both quite new and after the first fight i roughly know how sparring is like already still managed to get hit and he landed a straight nice jab in my face and i was like wooh~ damn high. First time sparring and i really felt that i've gone through a lot today. Really a nice and different experience for me in my life.

After the training went to mac with the property agents and the fierce guy. There are two property agents learning there and the fierce guy is the same age as me and same poly as me haha.

What a day today, got a bit of fear of sparring but also look forward to the next one hope i can get better faster.
Overall injury broke my little toe nail which is all black now and hurt my elbow joint damn pain luh

Chui, cant take it anymore. I'm really really tired this few days but i just seems to not getting enough rest and sleep. Monday went for training in the morning woke up at 9.45++ and prepare for training class at 12.30 at east coast park. Training ends around 2 and reached home at around 4++. Rest sleep then go for work. After work nua till 3++ den sleep again same routine all the way till today and only getting a rest on saturday. Today after working the 1st hour and i got tired already, can fall asleep anytime.













Those days are gone, and I want you so much
The night is long and I need your touch
Don't know what to say
I never meant to feel this way
Falling so hard so fast this time
I've tried to hide it so that no one knows
But I guess it shows

かけ違いの寂しさ募る どうか一人きりで泣かないで
どんなに離れていても 信じ合える二人でいよう

Yours Faithfully

Work past 2 days was super chaotic. Blackout occurs on both days where friday was more serious. It was Friday 13th and 7th month, but the customers still filled up bliss. Full house in indoor, outdoor and deck. Yesterday was drink runner and drinks came non stop until 1.00am. Super chui, do a lot of things, carry a lot of things here and there but nevertheless i'm super high all the way through. Playing and joking around with sista haha. Next week work 6 days, hoseh liao.




Wanted and supposed to go for training today, but i guess i'm just i'm just...... i also dont know why but i'm afraid of going today and some more alone. Fuck i really hate myself for this. I need more self-discipline.




I really hate myself.

Its was really tiring but fun and worth while. Went for muay thai the third times today. It never fail to exhaust me out. Today finally can try out on the punching bag. I swear it was damn heavy and big. Today do kicking and now my shin and the leg quite pain. The instructor talk a bit during cool down, saying that have to at least take 3 months to be better in muay thai and one year to be good. Gosh, one year, i cant wait man. I'm so so so interested and into muay thai now, also not forgetting my guitar too haha. Guess my life is gonna be so busy when school starts.

Whoo~ Went for muay thai trial class, which is actually just normal class. At first thought only 30mins but it last longer than one hour. Super ultra tiring but fun. Although we are just doing the basic stance and physical training but it was still fun. Thanks Carson for pei me down, if not like so scary and being a stranger to that place. Really feel the strain sia, good can burn down my fats have been growing fatter by a lot lately, damn sad. Think going down again this coming thursday, so look forward to that. Think going sleep now le whole body nua le, later still must work at 7 so sad.

If i could kill somebody, you'll be the first one. Just like what you said, you are alive only because it is illegal to kill. If i have 3 wishes from the genie, i wouldnt mind spending one to kill and see you suffer. Yes this shows that how much i hate you. You fucking egotistic bastard argh. Fuck i really cannot swallow this anger, watch out dont let me have chance.

为什么我哭了
又想起你了是因为那首歌
我怎么了忍不住流下了眼泪,还拼命的笑着
我恨我又哭了因为我都懂了
想要说却没勇气
只能把它痛苦地回忆
甘心情愿就这样活下去
想要对你说的不敢说的爱,会不会有人可以明白
怎么隐藏我的悲伤
多想要向过去告别
是我想太多
是我想太多我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由
请告诉她我不爱她
笑着难过自我惩罚
你有天使的眼睛美丽幻化成流星
消失前照亮我的天空却不留轨迹
你有天使的羽翼展开随风飞离
来不及不敢说的秘密就是我爱你
我爱你

I just hate Monday

Damn it, nothing great is always happening on Monday. Went to work at 8 and i got gl-ed by a customer. Fucking think he very intelligent, know or the things, but in the end he is just a loser. Served him the oreo milkshake and he commented that the cup changed to so small, like scam, cheat his money, then i told him, we just changed the cup but the amount is still the same. He said where got same, the last one looks bigger and this one is so small. I told him again, its the same its just that the older glass looks bigger. He said, what bigger, you dont try to insult my intelligent, you think i am stupid or what. I insist that its still the same, and he continued saying next time whatever i say just say ok dont try to talk so much and fucking hell i just said ok and turn away. Then he asked another staff saying he want to see the manager, then jalex went over with both the old and the new glass with water inside. When he went there the guy asked him who are you. Jalex dont care just say actually its the same and pour for him to see, then he nothing to say, say maybe its his mistakes. Fuck his mother whole family die, tmnnd. Trying to act smart but not smart, not youngster somemore. Looks like 30+ already still so stupid. Still dare to say dont insult his intelligent, in the first place he got or not. Fucking hell, spoils my mood for the day.

Just got home from lepak-ing at 684 coffee shop with sista, rong ming and jeremiah. It was raining super heavy luh. At first got jennifier, ah yang, meng soon and jasmine de but they went home at around 4? Then we continue lepak rain, then stop then just we was about to leave it went heavily again and i have to chiong home alone with my bicycle, through the super big rain. Super shiok luh, but also got a bit of fear, dont fear of what haha. The rain made my eyes being hard to open, the raindrop that fell on me was also a bit pain uh dont know why lol. Anyway got home safetly, the experience just now was really great. Bought a scratch card with sista from an auntie. Cause she come selling tissue and like a bit pity her, then since sista is buying one and it cost $1.50 only so i bought one too. And i won, not too much luh only $10 haha but nevertheless, 1.50 for 10 still very worth luh haha. Overall got earn $8.50 LOL.
Anyway all my project and stuff are over woots really felt a lot damn relieve. No more stress one more week of school and its study break. Four months till the final exam. Think can luh only 3 paper.

Also finally can back to maple le. got new patch like a bit cool uh.
Aidos people