Black Tear

When I'm in this state of mind,
I'm wishing I was blind.
Sometimes life is more than pain, to me.
I feel the power of my grief.
Death would be such a relief.
All the secrets that I hide, would die, with me.

Depression is my only friend.
Will this torture never end?
Let me carry on to the dreamers sky.
I keep crying in my dreams.
Can you hear my endless screams?
When I fade away.





Yes.....i mean nope, I'm not being emo again haha. It was just a part of the lyrics from Black Tears - Heaven Shall Burn. Im in love with this songs, cause maybe I can play the song? haha. Anyway accomplished 5km jog today and was feeling so happy. My target was 10km run without stop so as to train for events like the Yellow Ribbon 10km run? Anyone interested to go with me? Registration is still available though. Another reason was also because like finally, i mean FINALLY we finished the JAVA project. Damn you java, do you know you have been causing pain and miserable to so many people this few days huh? Was super relieved, hmm maybe i shouldnt say that. Intro to Singapore Law exam i like tomorrow and omg i still haven study for it. Die le lar die le T_T. Anyway cya people. Black Blood, Black Tears.

Yesterday was feeling today, today feeling pissed. Damn pissed off and dulan ttm. Was like omgwtfbbqxzccbknnnbcb no place to vent my anger, all kept inside. Cause of the stupid JAVA project i have. Spend 3-4 hours a debugging the same single error. Argh still didnt manage to solve it even when i left school for home to work. Was like getting everything done, no errors no nothing but it just can work. You know the feeling? Its like everyone in the lab are frustrated. They should really try to make the project easier since we got lesser time compared to normal semester because of the YOG. Lets pray and hope that tomorrow would be better and can finish the project, didnt even have time to study for my law exam this coming friday luh, 7PM somemore, so sad.

Haiz, whats up for tomorrow man, being so stressed and not feeling well these few days. What's more to come to make my life more miserable yea? Why not come at once so i dont have to face it everyday

What the hell happened?

ARGGHHH today just dont have da mood to go to school....but in the end i still went. Although my project is being fixed by my teacher, but he also did screw up my project, guess its a fair trade eh?

Dont know if its monday blues or i'm just tired. Felt annoyed and irritating over little things. Even jogging session just know was not successful. Didnt managed to jog 3k, so disappointed. Hope this week and next week faster pass. Then it will be holiday!!! oh wait, its study break......



Monday blues sure is scary and i'm being deeply affected by it, wth. Just randomly feeling down for no reason. Its like tears would come out in any minute.

It's definitely a bad idea to go to work without having dinner :(

I'm finally legal 18 :)

Yes finally after a long wait, I'm finally 18 :D The age where it is legal to drink smoke and so on? For the first time in my life, i have celebrated my birthday with others cause in the past at most or some of the time its only a cake within the family. Of course the plan was not so successful? I hope that everyone that come enjoy. I really really like and love the bliss clique man. It brought in so much more colours into my life. I still regret not joining them earlier and i hope that it will continue forever. Thanks ah soon, ah yang, carson, edwin, jessca, layyen, zhonhao, amanda ah ma jong, mommyRena, naren and kit for coming down. Also not forgetting my sista Jeolyn and my bandmate jinyu. Although they cant come down but still thanks a lot haha. Making my 18th birthday a blast. Really words are not enough to describe the feeling, the friendship together haha. May sounds silly though but that is how i feel.

Nevertheless, i have changed a new hairstyle, hair colour, marking a change of me in my life. A new weijian, a more matured weijian and a better one too. :D Still, words cant describe my feeling now haha thanks to all who wished me on facebook too

Sorry for the previous emo post. I was at the point of serious broke down at that moment. Seriously, seriously, no more hopefully, I've decided to let things go completely. Once and for all. Who am I to control all the things, correct not? Its like finally after yesterday's broke down I have completely shed away those unwanted feelings.

Like finally, its gonna be my 18th birthday soon eh, the age where you can do a lot more things LOL. Still haven finalized my plan yet so off i go now from here to look for events and activity ciaos.

P.s I'm such a kind person, today at sengkang interchange, there was this primary school kid asking me for 55cents to take bus and of course i gave it to him. He was like going to burst out already haha poor kid.

I;m really tired. Tired of that same feeling. Fuck you weijian, for being such a weakling. For not being truthful to others and yourself, your own heart and feelings. Why, its just a tree, just let it go, let it wither, burn down /cut down. Why are you still dying not to get over it. Look she is happier this way isnt it? Why do you still let yourself suffer and put on an act infront of everybody. When can you wake up, when can you give up. I fucking hate myself, hate my life, hate everything else.

Went to play soccer like finally again with the stoners again. Was really fun and enjoyable. Whats more can you get for stoning with them haha. Had a long lepak session with them after soccer. Its like i'm back to the time where we were still secondary school stoning and talking cock all day. Hope to have more of this session.








Why? Why, Why! Why is it so hard to give up. This endless torturing is killing me.

Why am i experiencing the pain again. The emptiness, the lonely and sad feeling again. It really hurts and pain my heart. Leave me alone, works and works pilling up and none of them have been completed. Another 2 weeks time and it'll be the main exam for law and i understand none of it. FML

Save me. Please.

Its back again. How i hate it. The stress, the fucked up feeling and all the unwanted or evil thoughts. Guess its really really tough to do so much thing when theres only 24 hours a day. Should really stop aiming or wanting so much things when i couldnt even handle work and studies well already. I want a break, from everything. Can I have one please?

Celebrated Ah kon birthday yesterday at bliss, at first was still okay but in the end a lot of things happened. I'm scared, first time seeing such situation i'm lost on what to do. It changed my perception once again on this world, this society.

Seriously got no mood for studies these few days. Whats wrong with me? I've lost control of myself, i keep doing things which i regret once again =[ How can i have the self discipline back again? Where can i find my motivation once again? Arrghh. Maybe i shouldnt have expected too much or too highly of myself. Also I need to change my habit of thinking too much. Its been making my life miserable but i cant help to think. FML

It cant be help.

Well finally back in blogging again, has been lazy and busy to update the blog. Anyway the next day after the previous post, i really did fall sick lol. I know my body well man. Went to prawning after work and i paid $25 for poking the fish, playing with the dog, fighting with prawns and caught none of it. Was scammed by the feeling of nearly getting caught of it. Damn the feeling is nice, but in the end i gave up, went home as i cannot take the side effects of the medicine damn strong luh. Anyway before that was working, i took the medicine, i'm sick and i have to work till closing also wash the toilets fml man. Those who are abled and fine was either sent early home or requested for early release. Fook those who requested man, dont anyhow anyhow because want to go play or meet someone then purposely request, give a thought for your other colleagues.

Anyway,recently i found my passion for my guitar back again being strong and steady. Was really motivated and decided to go at all cost towards my dream. Okay i'm tired now and i want to stop here should continue next time ba

It cant be help.

Well finally back in blogging again, has been lazy and busy to update the blog. Anyway the next day after the previous post, i really did fall sick lol. I know my body well man. Went to prawning after work and i paid $25 for poking the fish, playing with the dog, fighting with prawns and caught none of it. Was scammed by the feeling of nearly getting caught of it. Damn the feeling is nice, but in the end i gave up, went home as i cannot take the side effects of the medicine damn strong luh. Anyway before that was working, i took the medicine, i'm sick and i have to work till closing also wash the toilets fml man. Those who are abled and fine was either sent early home or requested for early release. Fook those who requested man, dont anyhow anyhow because want to go play or meet someone then purposely request, give a thought for your other colleagues.

Anyway,recently i found my passion for my guitar back again being strong and steady. Was really motivated and decided to go at all cost towards my dream. Okay i'm tired now and i want to stop here should continue next time ba

Tough Time, Tough Life.

Dont know why, but lately it seems that I hardly have time to have a rest. It seems and it is, that my life now is really tight. Its really a routine now, school and work. With all the project deadline coming up, i have to stay up late till 2-3am to finish them. Sometimes its because of work, ending at 12 and reached home still have to do the homework. Was drenched in rain for the 3rd time today. It's a miracle that I've not fallen sick yet, but i believe soon i will, if i carry on like this. Its really really really hard to cope or keep up with part time work and studies, but glad to say that my results are really better that I've expected. My body are like getting weaker and weaker and reaching its limit already, I need a break, I need a holiday.

Today's work was hardly manageable. I'm outdoor IC and this is the worst. 4 person outdoor including me, 2 old birds 2 new staff, a lot of things are really difficult to say or carry out. One was still okay as she is quite new so not much comment. The other one haiz, got nothing I can do or say. She is quite old already, tuition teacher some more. Hard to ask her do things around, may seems that I dont have any respect so have to swallowed everything up and do it myself. Sometimes I prefer to do it myself than calling other people to help me. Unlike some wild boar, any small little things will ask you to help him like only he is busy and we are not. Sometimes even best just push it to you say thank you and walk away. Stop being so lazy please, you really have reached my limits already. Dont force me, really cant stand your laziness man. All you can do is act, act infront of people only, I have being swallowing things up. I dont want to create any additional trouble but dont push your luck, you have just fucking pissed me off today, so watch out yea.

Anyway work was really boring without xianglong I miss him =[ Nobody to talk cock with, nobody to share my whining, personal things, my feelings aww. Anyway goodnights everyone, including that wild boar =D

我都学不会把爱敷衍
用笑容来把眼泪催眠
能不能不爱了因为爱太痛了
我痛得快死了却无法把你忘了