Second last Day

Its the second last day for the year 2010 and I'm still feeling rather mixed and confused now. Okay guess i really got no life to share about in my blog. Still i've decided to write out my feelings here. At least nobody would visit my blog and read all the boring emo or ranting post.

On the third last day of 2010, while riding for work, i saw my friends/brothers/buddies playing soccer which was directly below/behind my house, our usual soccer place. Normally they would asked me if i free or not to play with them, but not that day. Its not the first time, i saw them playing without even notify me or ask me. Yes i know, i have been rejecting or turn down their offer to slack with them, go out with them, stoning, playing soccer and all the crazy shits that we would do together.

Ever since i started working, i've been neglecting my friends. I'm really sorry for that. Even like for today, my frens from poly, all the gaobins, they organized outing at punngol like for the first time, and because i forgot when is my day off, i missed out the chance. They had a lot of fun. What fun can i have now, what joy can i have.

I'm really really sorry.

I'm already starting to sort out my feelings, thoughts, ambition and all those shits that is in my life or going to be my life. So just give me 2 more days, a brand new year a brand new me.

Just let me process all my feelings for 2 more days and hope i can heal and repair them.

P.S I enjoy having friends, who doesnt, i take every friendship or any relationship very serious. I have a trust i put in every friends i made. I know who i can be really good friends with or not. Misused my trust for you and you dont expect me to treat you well and as a friends. For I treasure every single friendship and memories we shared.

I'm Sorry.

I'm sorry for who i am, i'm sorry for how i was behaving these few weeks or months. While trying to ignore, i have fallen further. While trying to hide, i have drifted further away. While trying to be happier, i have become even sadder. Taken over by unnecessary thoughts, actions and words. Why do i take it so hard and serious.

I've lost my true feelings, i cant myself back anymore. The me who will always smile or cheered up without thinking so much. Being true to my own self and feeling, where have those days gone to.

Decided to give up, but yet i cant. So do give me some time, to change my mindset. To change how i am. A new me for a new year.

I dont want to see your fucking face.

I'm sorry but i have to admit, i dont like you ever since i first know you, or we first encountered or talk. You are seriously pissing me off. Fucking fat beaver.

Mr.Happy

Dear Mr Happy,

How i wish i can be like you, always smiling and being happy without worries or sadness. How i wish i can be just like you being happy all the time without reason, looking at a world with your angle.

But i'm sad to say that i cant. I have got too many things to worry, too many things to make me sad. I cant let go of things easily, i cant stop worry about this about that, i cant be satisfied of myself, i cant achieve what i want.......i just cant. I really hate myself for being so persistent in emotional stuff. Why cant i just be a happy-go-lucky person.

Have been thinking and reflecting, christmas is just next week and the new year is just round the corner. Thinking of what i have done and achieve this year, every moment and memories i had. It just sucks. Sucks big time.

I have changed, im not how im used to be anymore.

Yours sincerly

I'm sorry for all the previous post that was, i wont call that emo, i'll called that letting my feelings flow. Maybe i was just too stress or so and after hearing the song by The Gazette - pledge. I just broke down. The song is really very touching at least to me. I'm listening it like on replay for dont know how many times already but i wont get tired of it. The feeling is still the same sometimes it even get stronger.

That just proof that how good they are and how good this song is. The melody, the vocal everything was so perfect for the mood.

the GazettE - PLEDGE

As i heard the songs, my mood changed.
When i found out the lyrics my heart start to melt and tears began falling.

"it only hurts after meeting painful facts inside"

"A simple lie filled up everyday
Doubt exchange at least
We lost meaning of heart we knew"

"Someday, past will go away as the seasons change
We will disappear as the burning night comes to cut off sadness
I wont forget
I wont close the fact that we are both inside the dream"

Every notes played on the piano touched me even further. Again I began to reflect. Why is it so different? When will I be able to achieve? I suck at relationships i suck at studying,i suck at being a good children to my parents, i'm useless aint i? Whatever i wants to achieve doest succeed. Looking and knowing the difference just hurts me so much. It was such a beautiful melody that touches people's heart.

I'm sorry, dont mind me.

月光花

The time passed.
The seasons change.
Thoughts overflow,
am I really capable of achieving?
Is it a goal or just a dream?
A goal that you cant reach is called a dream.

Looking at the sky,
Searching for a path.
How many sleepless night will it take?
Before I can stand strong and firm on the ground.

The flower knows that it will withered and die.
But it still lives on full of vitality and colour.
When will I be able to realize?
To stop dreaming and wake up.

Loosing sight of what is in mind,
I close my eyes
Even if I reverse the time
I know it will not make a difference.

All I wish is to let me sleep and stay in my dream forever.



Written by me ,this is just how i feel i am now. yea in the end i still cant stand strong.

Miss May I

No, i cant. Even if my heads hurts like hell now as i'm writing this, i still cant. The anger resides in my wont stop boiling, so as long as he lives, i supposed. Its an irk to see every little thing by him, dont even mention his name or his stuff to me please. Cause i will not give a damn at all, unless he is dead. Cause i would be celebrating the happiest time of my life. He is much more irritating then the headache which has been torturing me the whole of today.

I got so much more things i wanted to say, not about him though cause i cant and wont get over with it, i need somebody i can talk to. I wont and cant continue now cause i'm in great pain, Ciaos.

Take my misery, i give it all

Do you still call yourself a man?

What the fuck, where's your balls, you got in the first place not. Dont just talk big only, action speaks louder then words. Your narcissism fucking power, c'mon wake up please, you are nothing but a loser. Even a cleaner does a job better than you. Do you still call yourself a man? Oh no i mean do you still DARE to call yourself a MAN? Dont make use of people only when you need them or trying to get advantage from them or even best, trying to get closer to them/flirt them. If you cant handle it then dont talk big or act big in the first place. Even best show attitude to people, we dont fucking owe you anything, dont make your problem other's problem, you are just a failure wasting our natural resources.

Another thing that i fucking dont like about you is being a hypocrite. Loser till the max, dont stay at the back at comment about others, you dare you go confront them lar. Dont fucking try to act please, cause you failed to the max, dont find faults or problem about other people when you yourself is worst. Dont think that you are always right. You know what? You are the worst human being i ever saw alive. I hope your karma/retribution come sooner cause you dont deserve to be alive and living so well where there are so many millions of people who should have a better life but cant. Yea and seriously stop being good to someone just because of the advantage you could get.

I really wonder how come you are alive until now, or maybe it is just that the law is protecting you, cause i doubt anybody else would.

Pop goes Punk

Haiz its another day passed without accomplishing or complete much things. Super stress now, resume and cover letter due next friday and data mining exam next friday. Know nothing about data mining, how what to do so many assignments piling up and i haven even touch them. Seriously no mood to even do luh. No time also......

Communication skills consultation today and i'm the one doing peer tutoring, the damn bloddy teacher never failed to pissed me again. We were supposed to do peer tutoring for every lesson of commskills and we were given a topic like for example types of meetings, and under types of meeting there are points like degree of formality, types of meeting. Present finish then keep shoot me about the examples of meeting, i give a few examples only under formal meeting, and she keep asking me what is this and that and told me that there are 8 types of formal meetings and what are them. I knew that luh i even got the link down in the references there, but cause i thought no need give until so detailed of the meetings then i never include. Somemore never say need to find out luh. Was like very dulan lucky got put link in references section then i shoot back actually err i got put in the link and so on. All my group mates were laughing they knew how i hate her and like we got feud like that. They all also like say le like the teacher dont like me.

Okay finished with the ranting.

Okay err went jamming with my friends today, very fail can only complete one song cause impromptu max, like decided on monday and yesterday then say what songs to jam. Can only say wasted my money. After that straight go to work. Work was super chui i swear. Not only that the staff are almost all new, some more the crowd is so full.Shall not start another rant here if not it would be too boring le. Anyway its Jeremiah's birthday, wished him have a good one. Well wished him after work and he is already seh le lol.